Why the Olympics went to Rio

During the "original" olympics, which began in 776 BC, it was traditional to proclaim a truce. Right now, we are in the middle of another world war, and thousands of our world's citizens are dying every moment, as a result of the drones scavenging the sky above Afghanistan and Pakistan for hapless victims.

It is my firm belief that the Olympic Committee was motivated by the tragedy caused by our malicious warfare to punish the United States for violating the olympic spirit by punishing this country for it's rude continuation of the murder of innocent civilians by making a loud and clear statement for the necessity for peace on this small and fragile planet.

PAX VOBISCUM!!